Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
