Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
being pregnant is like rehab
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
