I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
