You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
