'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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