Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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