i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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