Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
