covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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