Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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