How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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