My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
