I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize