At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
