You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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