Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
