Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize