is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
