Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
