Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
