I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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