my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
