If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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