did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
