I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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