So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
