1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
