Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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