I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
