If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
People in love make me want to vomit
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
