And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
