Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
