rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
