mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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