That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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