Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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