one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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