Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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