I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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