Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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