so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Found your dick twin last night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
