Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my shit smells like andre
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have aggressive nipples.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
