Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
