The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
