So drunk its hurt
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
