I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
