just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
