used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
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