you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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