well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
