Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
