I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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