You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
