okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
