just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
