I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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