man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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