he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
