Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
