People in love make me want to vomit
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
