Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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