i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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