just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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