Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
