She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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