I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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