If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize